I'm Back

"Think of something beautiful you saw today, and write about it", he said.  I looked at him, thinking through my ordinary day and feeling skeptical about the beauty in editing a presentation for class or a routine trip to the local HomeGoods.  "The sunrise was beautiful this morning..." I admitted, knowing that it was a typical answer but not having anything else come to mind.  "Yeah, it was really beautiful" he agreed, drifting off to sleep.  I sat there for a moment, and then began to write on the erasable board we keep near our bed.

A timid, pale yellow creeps up from the horizon, softening the shadows and warming the edges of the austere concrete shapes of the freeway overpass.  The yellow is trailed by a bolder orange and a brightening of the skies that brings out the colors of the trees and passing cars. And finally, like a beautiful woman entering a room, comes the brilliant red, heralding the sun's arrival and the start of a new day. 

Earlier that evening, I confessed to Jesse that I have been feeling creatively stunted for the last few months.  Each attempt at writing music has left me disappointed and embarrassed at my lack of ingenuity.  Apparently, writing songs that sound lame is not great for a songwriter's morale.  As we talked, I bemoaned the fact that my life has gotten so busy in the last few years. 

I started graduate school in 2015 to become a mental health counselor.  Discovering counseling as a new love in my life has been one of the greatest joys in my recent years, but it brought with it night and weekend classes, papers and group projects, and the task of figuring out my career trajectory for the last three years.  Add that to my day job of being a physician assistant, my heart-and-soul job of serving my church, and the most important job of being a decent wife/sister/daughter/friend, my creative self slowly languished in the far corners of my mind.  I complained that even if I wanted to be more creative, I had no more room in my life.  

But even with my busy schedule, something deep inside me was stirring with longing.  There is so much beauty and pain in this life, even (or especially) in the most ordinary days, and I wanted more than anything to wrap my words around those moments again.  After I scribbled that rather overdramatic description of the sunrise, I breathed a sigh of relief and found that the memory had become sweeter.  And I realized that I had forgotten how much I loved to write.

That brings us here to this dusty site on an ancient platform, nearly five years after my most recent post.  I had considered starting a new blog, but as I looked back at my old posts, I realized that I needed to continue writing here.  My musings as an 18 year old are part of what made me into the person I am today.  In this social media world of personal branding and monetized blogs, every Instagram post and Facebook profile picture is curated to project a specific image.  My image may say that I am healthy, stylish, having fun, seeing the world, and eating good food all the time.  It's easy to let people see that image; I mean I do have fun sometimes and I have eaten some pretty great slices of pizza and bowls of noodles.  But I want to tell you more, and I think I have more to tell you. 

So welcome back to my musings, my rambling prose, and my attempts to put my inner world into words.  I will do my best to be honest, try new things, and bring beauty to the everyday elements of my life.