silent reverie

This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. 16 But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life. 17 All honor and glory to God forever and ever! He is the eternal King, the unseen one who never dies; he alone is God. 1 Timothy 1:15-17

Life is good. And not because anything I've been struggling with has changed, but instead I feel like I've been changed and only through one simple decision. Two weeks ago I was very discouraged and my heart had become rebellious and angry at everyone and everything. Nothing seemed to be working for me, and I kept getting into arguments with those I cared for the most. Each time I would slip deeper into my discouragement until I could barely see hope in my life. I felt like I had gotten the short end of the stick and I kept saying that I would rather have a different type of problem in my life rather than go through what I've been going through (as though I knew it would be easier to live someone else's life). But a week ago, I woke up on Monday morning after a very difficult weekend. I was drained emotionally and spiritually and I didn't think I would have the strength to go through finals week. But somehow, deep within me, past all my stubbornness an...

For as long as I have been able to write my feelings, I've always claimed that writing is one of my favorite pastimes. However, I've never been able to write in my journals faithfully, or post consistently in this blog (or any other). It doesn't meant that I never have anything to say, or that things in my life are perfectly fine and I need no emotional outlet. I suppose for me, writing used to be a way to just throw all of my jumbled thoughts and feelings out into the air and watch them settle down and reorganize themselves in a way I can better understand. But these past couple of years, I've begun to internalize things more. Perhaps "internalize" isn't the best word, because it connotes a ticking time bomb or something. I've simply begun to mull over things in my mind more, and when I sit down to write something, it just doesn't feel necessary to rehash everything I've sorted through. But I think the real reason I don't write out e...