Life is good. And not because anything I've been struggling with has changed, but instead I feel like I've been changed and only through one simple decision. Two weeks ago I was very discouraged and my heart had become rebellious and angry at everyone and everything. Nothing seemed to be working for me, and I kept getting into arguments with those I cared for the most. Each time I would slip deeper into my discouragement until I could barely see hope in my life. I felt like I had gotten the short end of the stick and I kept saying that I would rather have a different type of problem in my life rather than go through what I've been going through (as though I knew it would be easier to live someone else's life).
But a week ago, I woke up on Monday morning after a very difficult weekend. I was drained emotionally and spiritually and I didn't think I would have the strength to go through finals week. But somehow, deep within me, past all my stubbornness and childish complaints, my spirit was still crying out through all my noise. And the wondrous thing about our God is that He doesn't wait for one screw up to undo all the good things we've been trying to accomplish for Him. Rather, He waits for us to give Him a tiny hint that our hearts are still for Him, despite what we may say or do, and that small flicker of love for Him is enough for Him to want to go the rest of the way to bless us.
This is how I felt on Monday. That morning, I woke up and for some reason, I just began to praise Him. At first, I had to struggle against my negative thoughts and force myself to think on His goodness. But as I kept praying, an incredible joy crept into my heart and sustained me for that day. It's so difficult to put into words, but I felt like I was really blessed by the presence of God due to the submission of my own will and my own emotions. It has always been difficult for me to swallow that bit of the gospel (the whole emotion surrendering part). I've also always waited to be in a service or a conference to allow the presence of God to "revive" me or "refill" me but it's always been a passive effort on my part. The difference for me in these weeks is that as difficult as it was, I forced myself to try to worship Him just a LITTLE bit...and He did the rest. These past two weeks have been an amazing testimony in my life on how praying for the right things produces a fruit of hope and peace in one's life. But don't just take my word for it! If you've been struggling the way I was, don't ignore your spirit as Satan riles up your flesh. Let Him come in again. It's worth it.
But a week ago, I woke up on Monday morning after a very difficult weekend. I was drained emotionally and spiritually and I didn't think I would have the strength to go through finals week. But somehow, deep within me, past all my stubbornness and childish complaints, my spirit was still crying out through all my noise. And the wondrous thing about our God is that He doesn't wait for one screw up to undo all the good things we've been trying to accomplish for Him. Rather, He waits for us to give Him a tiny hint that our hearts are still for Him, despite what we may say or do, and that small flicker of love for Him is enough for Him to want to go the rest of the way to bless us.
This is how I felt on Monday. That morning, I woke up and for some reason, I just began to praise Him. At first, I had to struggle against my negative thoughts and force myself to think on His goodness. But as I kept praying, an incredible joy crept into my heart and sustained me for that day. It's so difficult to put into words, but I felt like I was really blessed by the presence of God due to the submission of my own will and my own emotions. It has always been difficult for me to swallow that bit of the gospel (the whole emotion surrendering part). I've also always waited to be in a service or a conference to allow the presence of God to "revive" me or "refill" me but it's always been a passive effort on my part. The difference for me in these weeks is that as difficult as it was, I forced myself to try to worship Him just a LITTLE bit...and He did the rest. These past two weeks have been an amazing testimony in my life on how praying for the right things produces a fruit of hope and peace in one's life. But don't just take my word for it! If you've been struggling the way I was, don't ignore your spirit as Satan riles up your flesh. Let Him come in again. It's worth it.
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