Wedding Planning is not Marriage Planning

Three months ago, I arrived at JFK bleary-eyed and frazzled after a 2 hour flight delay, and walked into a lobby filled with my closest friends and family.  My bewilderment was quickly replaced with excitement as I realized exactly what was happening: Jesse was proposing to me.  As much as I knew that we were heading towards marriage, when the proposal actually happened I was still stunned and surprised.  I said yes, of course, and was immediately engulfed by joyous cheers and warm embrace of Blueprinters, childhood friends, and family.  The memory of all the unrestrained expressions of love and excitement for me still brings a tear to my eye.

Like many newly engaged girls, I gazed at my ring for days and became an obsessive wedding blog follower.  What used to be casual browsing became a sort of eager and desperate search for more picture-perfect DIY rustic chic weddings that attract repins on pinterest like hipsters to thrift stores.  As if the more of these kinds of pictures were transmitted from my computer screen to my retinas, the more I would gain the innate capability of creating beautiful things for my wedding, and create them out of recycled trash and stay under budget.  But also stay original.  And meaningful to us.  And impress everyone.

So now I find myself constantly fluctuating between the longing to have a beautiful wedding that reflects our aesthetics but not drowning myself in wedding planning and forget about marriage preparation.

From the time we were little girls, every princess movie ended with a wedding.  It was the culmination of every girl's idea of what perfection looked like; once you find a man who loves you so completely he pledges to stay and protect you forever, your life is set.  The sun sets and the beautiful girl is swept off her feet into a life of romance and security.  Obviously as we grow up, we know in our minds that this isn't the case, and that there are many other things in life that we should be living for.  But this obsession with weddings is still a sign of our deep-rooted belief that a single day determines who we are (how beautiful, how fashionable, how creative and romantic, how loved we are by people in our lives, etc) and who we will be (married = chosen and accepted for life).  

But marriage is if anything the opposite of a reaction to romantic feelings of passion and spontaneity.  It is the cultivation and daily sacrifice of someone else's needs over your own.  Never in my life have I been in a relationship like this.  I've never made a conscious covenant before heaven and earth, in the presence of God, to love and stay faithful to another person for the rest of my life.  A covenant relationship where it does not end if the other party has less to offer us than we had expected, or is tired after a long day of work, or gains 10 lbs, or leaves clothes on the floor.  It's rather concerning to me that the American wedding culture has placed all of the attention on the reception and not as much on the ceremony anymore.  It shows that we're more into celebrating good times and good eats than properly acknowledging the gravely beautiful promise that had just been made between two people.  

I don't want to get preachy - if anything this blog post is me preaching to myself.  The other day as I watched Jesse play football with some of the younger boys at our church, the thought suddenly came to me that in 9 short months, this man will belong to me for the rest of my life, and I will belong to him.   The thought brought with it a swell of joy but was sobering as well - I'm not planning a big party with my significant other.  I'm getting ready to enter into a phase of life where I will be tested and challenged and shaped  to become more like Jesus and reflect His love and eternal commitment to us with my marriage.  And for that, I am truly, truly excited.