Owning Up To It
A while ago, my therapist asked me if it was difficult for me to "own my negative feelings". I had no idea what she was talking about. Negative feelings aren't for me to own, but to throw away as quickly as possible! They're the messy remnants of relational friction, the ugly parts of an immature heart. Isn't a whole and happy person someone who refuses to accept anger, sadness, disappointment, but one who rises above them, casts them off, and continues sailing through life with a smile? I believed that negative feelings, although natural and unavoidable, were to be dealt with as swiftly as possible, either through prayer or sheer force of mental willpower. "You don't have to be in a bad mood", or "you can change your emotions", I would say to myself. And when I couldn't, I would pretend that I did. One of the earliest compliments I can remember receiving on a consistent basis was in Chinese, and often said to me by my relatives....