silent reverie

Swinging my legs like a little girl, legs clothed with sophisticated black jeans and pointy champagne colored shoes; my actions betray me, I am a little girl. But I am a content little girl, with Rogue Wave and The Afters taking turns serenading me as the squeaky bus rumbles on. High schoolers waltz onto the bus with all the hesitance and vibrance; relief and weariness and fun dance around the blue seats and among the American Eagle totes and white headphones. I look at my own ipod and my oversized bag and realized with some bemusement that I blend in quite well. A "four-months-ago" kind of well. He bustles on as the bus pauses, glasses askew, out of breath and encumbered with large laundry bags. Short, awkward, middle-aged man looked around anxiously and was relieved to find an empty seat next to me. He scoots in apologetically and sighs. I smell Ivory bar soap; it was a pleasant surprise coming from such a flustered individual. He shifts away from me again and offers...

Nothing can send a message as quickly as a piece of artwork can. By the time the light reaches your eyes and is interpreted by your brain, it will have already had its affect (intended or unintended) on you. It can make you laugh (I hope this one made you chuckle a little) or scare you, break your heart, lift your spirits. The possibilities are endless! What a gift to us from our Creator...the ability to create. It's amazing! Ever since I've been "stumbling" across photography websites and the like, I've come to appreciate art in all different forms all the more. The things people come up with ... This image came from a collection of interesting urban art. Much of the street art I have seen is so creative because the artists don't take what they see around them and translate it into their own perspectives only to have it put on display in a neat gallery or exhibit. These artists expose their creativity to the elements, not afraid that they will be rain...

PostSecret (if you don't know already) is a project by a man named Frank Warren who became a "secret collector'. He invited anyone to mail him their secrets anonymously on a postcard, and the only rules were that the secret must be true and must be revealed for the first time. Hundreds of thousands of postcards came pouring in; some are amusing, some are cute, others heartbreaking and even sinister. The artwork on many of the post-cards are unforgettable, the words piercing. But what makes me return to the PostSecret website again and again (when I should be studying for chem), is that I'm half-afraid, half-excited to see some of my own secrets appear in another one's writing. I found one of them today.

Mondays are inspirational chat days with mommy over a late breakfast while my dad half-listens at his computer a few feet away. I love talking to her sometimes, and today we floated towards the topic of colleges and what God is doing on campuses. On Friday night, David Van Fleet said that the presidential election of this year will influence the fate of this country for the next 30 or 40 years. When I thought about it, I realized that that would be my entire adulthood. It's a bit scary to think about, and to know that the choices that my generation makes at the very end of our teenage years (and as my first year as an almost-adult) will have such lasting effects. And we will have to deal with the bulk of the consequences. And I rarely think about politics other than to just sigh and say "oh I don't like either of them...". Sometimes, my oblivion to the world around me is a choice that I make in order to keep myself on task with all that my own petty life throws...

So tonight is the all-night prayer meeting and tomorrow we'll be heading down to Jersey to witness the beginnings of a powerful work of God at Rutgers. And I've been pondering these things as I pulled myself out of bed this morning while the sky was still dark. I scrolled through a groggy mental list of to-dos, wondered about breakfast, and then felt a sudden weariness wash over me as I realized that my to-dos stretched much farther than just chem lab and a few classes. Despite my musings and my constant attempts at reaching profundity, my spirit has felt dry and perhaps even angry at God for a while. Why am I angry? I felt this feeling creep up on me in my struggle against His will, and although I knew in my head and in my heart that His love for me goes beyond my present stubbornness and rebellion, I can't help but ask Him why. Why these circumstances, why am I like this? Why did those things happen to me as a young girl when I didn't understand? Now I find mysel...

It's quite rare to find a band who writes songs with such vivid imagery and profound lyrics. These kind of songs you can listen to again and again, and you can interpret it the way you like, while I stick to my opinion, but in the end, we can only agree that the song makes us think. A kind of song that makes my heart grieve for a pain that does not belong to me. Words that make me sit back and wonder how in the world someone can come up with such a beautiful phrase. Simple phrases that echo far deeper than what is sung. Unless I'm just reading too much into Ben Gibbard's "What Sarah Said" and "Marching Bands of Manhattan". Perhaps his music resonates with me because it is so wistful and full of a yearning yet held back by a wariness caused by past hurts and disappointments. His voice would not earn a nod from any one of the American Idol judges, and his looks could pass for any cubicle-bound, tetris-playing, computer analyst. But he is honest, a...

I'm home alone right now, and this might not mean much to most of you, but to me, the next 2 hours are precious and rare. In a house tumbling with people, sounds, clothes, and more people, we all have to find our little sliver of alone time now and then. Perhaps this is the reason why I secretly enjoy spending loner time during my breaks reading at Barnes and Nobles. I'm not the type of person who needs constant companionship, but of course my alone-ness has its limits before it turns into loneliness. I've only written four entries in this blog, and two of them so far have been about being alone. It must seem like I crave space and silence desperately, which isn't truly the case, but at the same time, isn't far from the truth either. Anyways, I'm home alone right now, and here is what the world looks like from where I'm sitting. There are some days that are simply beautiful despite the pain and hardships that still reign mere miles beneath the perfect ...

As much as I love to write, I love images and instances that make you feel a way that cannot be expressed in words. When the perfect song matches the perfect mood all set to the backdrop of the perfect weather (whose perfection is, obviously, dependent upon the mood), my fancy phrases can't possibly do it justice. Which is sad, since I would love to be able to help you feel what I feel and see what I see. Perhaps I do live my life as a long music video. Maybe one day I'll make one and you'll all know what I'm talking about.

Waking up before the sun decides to join you is an interesting experience... after you convince yourself that chem lab is not just a class and you really shouldn't sleep in. Today, by the time I surrendered to the logic of my nagging inner student conscience (for the lack of a better term), I realized that waking up before everyone else gives me a unique window of time to be alone. Not just left alone or away from people while the rest of the world goes about its business. But now, the entire house, and perhaps many other houses, are completely silent because people aren't in "this world" yet. When we sleep, we become unconscious to what is happening around us, and it's almost like a mini-death! Trust me, I'm not trying to be morbid. But I feel alone right now in a peaceful way, is what I'm trying to get across. Everyone is here, no one has left or "abandoned" me, and yet their minds are off somewhere submitting itself to the whims of its s...

Here I am, sitting contently across from my silly sister who just threw a pen at my knuckle for making fun of her for something or other, and I have to say that life is a funny thing. If it wasn't funny, it would be hopelessly confusing or rather depressing. Not to take life lightly, but sometimes, I wonder if humor is one of God's greatest gifts to mankind after the Fall, kind of like a fabric softener or a highlighter for the darker days ahead. Anyways, I have decided to begin to blog about my life (not that I haven't been secretly doing so for a while), giving my take on things, my thoughts on people, places, events, and myself. However, it is incumbent upon me to warn you that I do not live the most brilliantly exhilarating life by the world's standards. But on second thought, after 18 years of living we all have some stories to tell, some lessons to teach, and some opinions to share, so feel free to return the favor. Another change about this new blog: I'v...