Montefiore
This morning I sat at my desk with the pointer of my mouse hovering over the "SEND" button of an email for a good minute or two. With one simple click I would enter my first step of being in the "real world" - a world where everything is permissible and only you can decide if it'd be beneficial. A world where I can afford to buy and do things I never could before, but where I am also expected to make more decisions with more consequences. It is as if this world is finally beginning to require me to make something of myself and prove that I can stand on my own two feet, bring something to the table.
About four days ago, I went to Montefiore Medical Center for a second interview with HR. The position is for an Internal Medicine new graduate PA to join the close to 100 PAs on the Medicine team (not to mention about 300 more PAs in other subspecialties throughout the hospital). I walked away from that interview with my head spinning with reasons the HR fellow gave me for why I'd be a fool to reject this job (oh yeah, I was already hired walking into the interview I just didn't know it...) but my heart sinking with the one resounding thought - I can't be in California for the next two years.
I called Jesse immediately and we spoke for a while about our next steps. The plan had always been for one of us to move if the other got a better job, but with the possibility of me going to California always a bit higher. Not that I was already apartment hunting and picking out a roommate or anything, but a girl like me gets her heart set on ideas and dreams until they become taken for solid future plans. My biggest struggle with the decision to take this job was to realize that I had to take a back seat and let God orchestrate a way for us to be in the same city, the same way He did over two years ago when we first met. I admit that the temptation is there to drop everything and run across the country so I don't "lose" Jesse, even when he patiently reassures me that I won't lose him by staying. But isn't our tendency always to try to make something happen rather than wait for God's divine timing?
I think before I wrote and sent the email (yes, I eventually hit "send" even though the mouse did hover dangerously close to "discard" a couple times) I had already known I was going to take the job. My hesitation was largely due to my internal struggle to give up the plan of living in CA for the time being combined with the guilt of putting the pressure on Jesse to find a job here. But coupled with the hesitation is a mounting excitement for so many new things coming into my life. I want to cast away my childish pouting in exchange for eager anticipation of God to reveal more steps of His perfect and wonderful plan for both me and Jesse, separately and together. What a lesson in both putting off my childish ways and walking in childlike faith, and believing that I don't have to be privy to the entire route list before I take a single step.
And sometimes that step is to turn away from my original plans in order to accept something else that God had in mind.
About four days ago, I went to Montefiore Medical Center for a second interview with HR. The position is for an Internal Medicine new graduate PA to join the close to 100 PAs on the Medicine team (not to mention about 300 more PAs in other subspecialties throughout the hospital). I walked away from that interview with my head spinning with reasons the HR fellow gave me for why I'd be a fool to reject this job (oh yeah, I was already hired walking into the interview I just didn't know it...) but my heart sinking with the one resounding thought - I can't be in California for the next two years.
I called Jesse immediately and we spoke for a while about our next steps. The plan had always been for one of us to move if the other got a better job, but with the possibility of me going to California always a bit higher. Not that I was already apartment hunting and picking out a roommate or anything, but a girl like me gets her heart set on ideas and dreams until they become taken for solid future plans. My biggest struggle with the decision to take this job was to realize that I had to take a back seat and let God orchestrate a way for us to be in the same city, the same way He did over two years ago when we first met. I admit that the temptation is there to drop everything and run across the country so I don't "lose" Jesse, even when he patiently reassures me that I won't lose him by staying. But isn't our tendency always to try to make something happen rather than wait for God's divine timing?
I think before I wrote and sent the email (yes, I eventually hit "send" even though the mouse did hover dangerously close to "discard" a couple times) I had already known I was going to take the job. My hesitation was largely due to my internal struggle to give up the plan of living in CA for the time being combined with the guilt of putting the pressure on Jesse to find a job here. But coupled with the hesitation is a mounting excitement for so many new things coming into my life. I want to cast away my childish pouting in exchange for eager anticipation of God to reveal more steps of His perfect and wonderful plan for both me and Jesse, separately and together. What a lesson in both putting off my childish ways and walking in childlike faith, and believing that I don't have to be privy to the entire route list before I take a single step.
And sometimes that step is to turn away from my original plans in order to accept something else that God had in mind.
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