Growing up Secure

When people ask me what it's like to be a pastor's daughter, I often wonder instead what it would be like to be a pastor and a parent at the same time. There's often a big ruckus kicked up about how PK's almost always turn out either wild or weird; angry and disillusioned or sheltered and irrelevant. But how about the parents who are trying so hard to figure out how to carry out their life's calling and raise a family at the same time?

As the oldest in my family, I've watched my parents struggle to find the balance between meeting the demands of church members and providing a secure environment for us to grow up in. One of the things that I think I will always remember and cherish about my childhood was that everyday after school, at 2:30PM, we could count on my dad's silver CRV pull up to the curb to pick us up. And when we filed out of the backseat of the car and ran inside the house, there would always be a snack for us to eat before we started our homework. My parents were often gone in the evenings for various meetings, and I've been babysitting Matthew and Esther since I was 12, but there's something about the consistency of this weekday routine that brought incredible security in my young heart. It's amazing how easy it is for a child to feel unwanted, and that simple act of picking us up was to me a clear sign that we were always on our parents minds - they would never forget about us.

Many people ask me if there's a lot of pressure and high expectations placed on me because of my parents' ministry. And I won't lie - I have had many moments of frustration. I have longed to just be a normal person who was allowed to make mistakes without feeling like my actions would be a direct reflection of the integrity of my parent's ministry. But the pressure doesn't come from my parents, but moreso from other people's general perception of who I am. From my own experience, I am fairly confident in suggesting that most PK's hate the church because they felt like an afterthought, more so than resenting the pressure they feel from their parents' position. All this stems from the unfortunate reality that their parents allowed the ministry to consume them rather than the love of God.

Working in full-time ministry is a career choice that is drastically different from any other because most other jobs are taken with the main purpose being to provide for one's family. Working for the church is not exactly the most lucrative business, and especially when it comes to pastoring, the church becomes like another family - complete with spiritual children with messy lives and a constant need for tending and nurturing. So it is obvious how difficult it is for pastors to balance their two kinds of children, especially since the church children are often louder and more demanding than their actual children.

As I'm growing up now and the idea of getting married and having a family becomes less of a wistful childhood game and more of a reality that will be upon me sooner than I know, I've been pondering what it would mean for me if I were to be in ministry or marry someone who was called to it full-time. Much of my reflections have turned to thinking about what it was like for me growing up, and trying to see things from my parents' perspective. I think that every parent has the God-given responsibility to represent for their children the love, care, mercy, righteousness, and wisdom that our heavenly Father possesses for us. So when their children grow up, giving up their lives entirely to Jesus would seem like the most natural and logical thing for them to do.

My parents weren't perfect, but they did adhere to one crucial principle - that raising your children to love and fear the Lord is more glorifying to Him than a successful ministry.