Emotional Forgiveness
The word "forgiveness" holds within it a mystery and a miracle so profound that as flawed human beings, we often use it in a flawed way. As Christians, we can also call ourselves The Forgiven. This title implies the action performed by someone or something other than ourselves that has given us this new identity; in other words, we needed the forgiveness of God in order for us to become who we are. All of this is basic Christianity 101 and should be what we first encounter when we enter into this amazing and wild relationship with our Creator. But what happens when the tables are turned and we are faced with the seemingly impossible task of extending this gift of forgiveness (for it truly is a gift) from one broken person to the other?
I've felt profoundly wounded by those closest to me before, and the hurt can pierce so deeply that there seems to be no way out of it. The more I talk about the wrong I've sustained, the more indignant and self-righteous I become. When I try to shrug it off and ignore the pain, it has its way of finding me in the most unsuspecting ways and cutting deeper each time. I've tried to forgive with emotions: trying my best to see things from the other person's perspective and "feeling" my way to pity until I can find a way to forgive them (by then it ceases to be a gift since in my mind the person somehow deserves it). But none of these tactics lead to the peace and joy and the true okay-ness that's supposed to come from releasing that person from his/her debt in my heart.
I learned today through a close friend that sometimes, forgiveness needs to be a miracle that God works inside my heart. Nothing I do or say or think can make a human being like me do the supernatural without the supernatural God who showed me true, unadulterated forgiveness in the first place. Maybe I can't be healed of the pain just yet, but I can let Him show me His love. Maybe they never asked for my forgiveness, or perhaps they don't even know they've wronged me. But I can trust that God will speak to their hearts and give them the choice to listen and obey. Maybe I have the right to be angry and upset, but then again, maybe I don't anymore. All I know is that two days ago I was feeling alot of hurt, and tonight as I write these words, that hurt is gone.
I've felt profoundly wounded by those closest to me before, and the hurt can pierce so deeply that there seems to be no way out of it. The more I talk about the wrong I've sustained, the more indignant and self-righteous I become. When I try to shrug it off and ignore the pain, it has its way of finding me in the most unsuspecting ways and cutting deeper each time. I've tried to forgive with emotions: trying my best to see things from the other person's perspective and "feeling" my way to pity until I can find a way to forgive them (by then it ceases to be a gift since in my mind the person somehow deserves it). But none of these tactics lead to the peace and joy and the true okay-ness that's supposed to come from releasing that person from his/her debt in my heart.
I learned today through a close friend that sometimes, forgiveness needs to be a miracle that God works inside my heart. Nothing I do or say or think can make a human being like me do the supernatural without the supernatural God who showed me true, unadulterated forgiveness in the first place. Maybe I can't be healed of the pain just yet, but I can let Him show me His love. Maybe they never asked for my forgiveness, or perhaps they don't even know they've wronged me. But I can trust that God will speak to their hearts and give them the choice to listen and obey. Maybe I have the right to be angry and upset, but then again, maybe I don't anymore. All I know is that two days ago I was feeling alot of hurt, and tonight as I write these words, that hurt is gone.
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