Getting there
I woke up this morning at 7AM, rather grouchily and annoyed that I had to be up so early on my day off. I dragged myself downstairs, plopped down on a dining room chair, and stared at my dad with an expression that clearly stated that I would rather be in bed. Last night, he decided that we needed to have devotions together as a family (as in us older ones with him), and the only time we could have it was before Rebekah went to work. But as I sat there, I began to chide myself on my infantile behavior, and as I became more awake, I began to wonder what God would speak through my father. It wasn't easy getting out of that mood, but I wasn't disappointed!
We flipped to that famous Jeremiah 29:11 verse, that we whip out for our Christian friends when we struggled with college apps, or break-ups, and a million other times to just remind ourselves that we're not dropped into this often terrible world to just survive and disappear. However, to imagine a glorious destiny, a pot at the end of the rainbow, is only half the picture! His plan for us depends almost entirely upon our day to day. Who we become at the end, is only a buildup of all of our habits, our character, our beliefs, and it will determine the destiny we have. God knows the plan he has, he knows who we could become if we dedicate ourselves to holiness, but he never promises that they will come to pass. When it comes down to it, we do have a great amount of control over how our lives turn out.
On a rather different note, I realized today that I've been a bit ... annoyed would be the word. Annoyed at Christianity. And I don't mean the crazy right-wingers or the over-zealous evangelical "moral majority" because I'm more than annoyed at them. But Christianity in general. Why is that? I am not sure. Perhaps it's because I'm so immersed in church, and my parents' constant spiritual advice (whether I ask for it or not), and in contact with people who eat, breathe, and sleep revival and prayer. Perhaps I need to step back and try to see who I am in the midst of all this, whether not it's my own sin that seems to alienate me and keep me from embracing all the spirituality around me, or maybe I'm just becoming tired of the games I play. Sometimes I even wish I didn't have to go to church, and instead, I would just go and hang out with people my age who love God. Just hang out, and talk, and share life. At church I always feel like there's an agenda, and I'm on a mission, and I can't really relax and share what I'm going through without getting an awkward silence, or concerned looks. I don't know where to go for that kind of support, and I suppose it's been building up inside me until I've just become annoyed at Christianity. When my mom reminds me to seek God everyday, I get the same eye-roll feeling when she nags me to clean my closet. When my dad suggests that we have a special conference for a speaker coming into town, I just feel tired, knowing that much of the work will fall to me. I want to look on the bright side of things, and usually I do, but the bright side seems to be fading slowly, and I'm scared of becoming a cynic. I don't want my day to day to become just playing the games and making myself happy once in a while by watching Lost or wasting time. I don't want to miss the plan God has for me. But at this moment right now, I just feel tired and misunderstood. I want to be full of life, bursting at the seams with all the things I'm doing, each day full of hope and purpose. But how do I get there?
We flipped to that famous Jeremiah 29:11 verse, that we whip out for our Christian friends when we struggled with college apps, or break-ups, and a million other times to just remind ourselves that we're not dropped into this often terrible world to just survive and disappear. However, to imagine a glorious destiny, a pot at the end of the rainbow, is only half the picture! His plan for us depends almost entirely upon our day to day. Who we become at the end, is only a buildup of all of our habits, our character, our beliefs, and it will determine the destiny we have. God knows the plan he has, he knows who we could become if we dedicate ourselves to holiness, but he never promises that they will come to pass. When it comes down to it, we do have a great amount of control over how our lives turn out.
On a rather different note, I realized today that I've been a bit ... annoyed would be the word. Annoyed at Christianity. And I don't mean the crazy right-wingers or the over-zealous evangelical "moral majority" because I'm more than annoyed at them. But Christianity in general. Why is that? I am not sure. Perhaps it's because I'm so immersed in church, and my parents' constant spiritual advice (whether I ask for it or not), and in contact with people who eat, breathe, and sleep revival and prayer. Perhaps I need to step back and try to see who I am in the midst of all this, whether not it's my own sin that seems to alienate me and keep me from embracing all the spirituality around me, or maybe I'm just becoming tired of the games I play. Sometimes I even wish I didn't have to go to church, and instead, I would just go and hang out with people my age who love God. Just hang out, and talk, and share life. At church I always feel like there's an agenda, and I'm on a mission, and I can't really relax and share what I'm going through without getting an awkward silence, or concerned looks. I don't know where to go for that kind of support, and I suppose it's been building up inside me until I've just become annoyed at Christianity. When my mom reminds me to seek God everyday, I get the same eye-roll feeling when she nags me to clean my closet. When my dad suggests that we have a special conference for a speaker coming into town, I just feel tired, knowing that much of the work will fall to me. I want to look on the bright side of things, and usually I do, but the bright side seems to be fading slowly, and I'm scared of becoming a cynic. I don't want my day to day to become just playing the games and making myself happy once in a while by watching Lost or wasting time. I don't want to miss the plan God has for me. But at this moment right now, I just feel tired and misunderstood. I want to be full of life, bursting at the seams with all the things I'm doing, each day full of hope and purpose. But how do I get there?
Comments
thank you