"It's like we matched..."
I had a nice run-in today with the lovely DJ right after I had lunch with Linda. Both girls mentioned that they read my blog (which caught me by surprise) and so I was readily convicted about not updating in such a long time. So here is a rather random rant (whoa tongue twister) about my childish observation on romantic love. It is a given that my views on this topic will change in a few short years, but I feel that I've always shied away from writing on this because so much of it is so private. However, I'll give it a shot! (Dedicated to Linda and DJ <3!)
Being in love is a beautiful swirl of anxiety and peace, immaturity and growth, bursting joy and crippling pain. In the beginning, every emotion experienced is full and bright and colorful. And yet the transient state of romance is so fickle and elusive that although the entire human race has been obsessed with writing the laws of love since time began, no one has found the formula yet. Even Christians get it wrong. Those who have never fallen in love either wait for it with eagerness, or avoid it like the plague, depending on their observations of those who have been stricken. Those who are in love never want it to end, and fear falling out of love even when they're in it. And those who have fallen out of love live with regret, fear, and yet in expectation and hope that they will find love again.
I think the bottom line is that no one wants to be alone, for every other kind of relationship provides companionship while a lover provides a bond through which every single aspect of life is shared. Even a best friend will get bored if you constantly talk about your hopes and dreams, your fears, and the mundane things in life like what you had for breakfast. A lover yearns to hear these things because everything you experience is felt and experienced by him as well. Your hopes and dreams could be aligned with his own, and the little details you share offers him a window into the type of person you really are.
It is an amazing feeling. But the scary part is that it comes with pain and sacrifice and risks. When two people get so close to each other, there's bound to be rough edges that will clash and need to be smoothed out, and the process can be frightening. How much grating can two people take before they call it quits and walk away looking different than they did before? How many times can a person fall in and out of love before they lose the ability to sacrifice all they have to another because there simply isn't anything left to offer? I suppose for those of us who have loved, failed, lost, and loved again, these questions lead the way to hesitation and fear in subsequent relationships. But I believe that the beautiful thing about true, pure love is that it heals.
Relationships and their outcomes are all tied very closely to one's own concept of what love is in the first place. And of course the way we treat our significant other or expect to be treated by them should be drawn from our own first-hand intimate romantic relationship with Jesus. "There it is! I knew she was gonna throw in God in here somewhere!" Hehe..well I have to! I really can't talk about love and leave Him out, can I? =) But honestly, as I learn slowly and thick-headedly (new adverb!) of how sacrificial Christ's love for me is, and how much He delights in me when I sacrifice my time, energy, and will to Him, it seems like the natural thing to me for two lovers to want to sacrifice out of love for the other. Too often we see shows like Desperate Housewives or movies like The Good Girl where sacrifice in marriages leads to bitterness and depression and mere cohabitation instead of a vibrant, growing relationship. Our culture is becoming more and more sympathetic towards unfaithful spouses, finding it excusable if the other party simply isn't as exciting as they used to be. This is what happens when one sacrifices out of an expectation of something in return. Not that a relationship is all about giving and not taking, but the word sacrifice itself implies selflessness. Otherwise, we'd just call it a purchase or maybe a trade.
A few days ago I watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You", and although it isn't the BEST movie I've ever seen, I thought it portrayed some interesting scenarios in regards to romance. There was one couple who had met in college and married, but the husband was dissatisfied with his life and when he met a hot, young girl at the supermarket, the temptation was too hard to resist. He admitted to his wife (Jennifer Connelly <3!!!) that he had cheated, and her first reaction was not to kick him out or divorce him, but to try to work things out. She later told her friend that it was probably her fault he cheated because she "used to be fun", and then decided to try to save their marriage by "rekindling the fire" (lol..), but they still ended up splitting up in the end. I felt that this marriage was built on fun and excitement and when the fire cooled and real life issues crept in, their bond was not strong enough to hold up to the weight of responsibility.
In another substory in the movie, a couple had been together for seven years, but the boyfriend did not "believe" in marriage and although the girl wanted to get married, she didn't want to seem too demanding so she kept waiting, hoping he'd change his mind. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him because she was tired of waiting. Ironically, she soon had to go to her sister's wedding, where her father had a heart attack. In the week following the wedding, she had to look after her father's health, clean the house, cook food for the relatives, comfort her sister, and deal with her own heartbreak. My favorite scene of the movie is when she walks into the kitchen with an arm full of dirty dishes, stressed out and exhausted, to see her boyfriend (well, sorta ex) with his back to her, washing dishes. He turns around and quickly says that he'll leave right after he finishes up the last load of laundry. Naturally, she tells him later that she wants to be with him, married or unmarried. This is her sacrifice for him. At the end of the movie, though, he eventually proposes to her. This is his sacrifice for her.
I know, I know. Corny and predictable, but I still find that the portrayal of this relationship is such an example of putting the one you love before oneself, not just enjoying their personality and what it does for you emotionally. I also think that it's about finding someone whom you would want to make happy for the rest of your life. I firmly believe that my God loves to see me happy. Not that He will make life a smooth ride for me because then I'd just be a spoiled child with no depth or wisdom. But I know He loves it when I'm happy, and I would love to make Him happy.
Well this is my attempt at love advice for those who read this thing. I must admit that it always takes me by surprise when I find out someone reads my blog. Well, first comes shock, then comes that quick mental run-through of my previous posts to make sure I didn't write anything too embarassing. I hope this all made sense, btw, since I'm writing this at three different times of the day. I get distracted very easily, so it's actually quite a miracle that I even finished this entry. Alright, enough rambling...
Being in love is a beautiful swirl of anxiety and peace, immaturity and growth, bursting joy and crippling pain. In the beginning, every emotion experienced is full and bright and colorful. And yet the transient state of romance is so fickle and elusive that although the entire human race has been obsessed with writing the laws of love since time began, no one has found the formula yet. Even Christians get it wrong. Those who have never fallen in love either wait for it with eagerness, or avoid it like the plague, depending on their observations of those who have been stricken. Those who are in love never want it to end, and fear falling out of love even when they're in it. And those who have fallen out of love live with regret, fear, and yet in expectation and hope that they will find love again.
I think the bottom line is that no one wants to be alone, for every other kind of relationship provides companionship while a lover provides a bond through which every single aspect of life is shared. Even a best friend will get bored if you constantly talk about your hopes and dreams, your fears, and the mundane things in life like what you had for breakfast. A lover yearns to hear these things because everything you experience is felt and experienced by him as well. Your hopes and dreams could be aligned with his own, and the little details you share offers him a window into the type of person you really are.
It is an amazing feeling. But the scary part is that it comes with pain and sacrifice and risks. When two people get so close to each other, there's bound to be rough edges that will clash and need to be smoothed out, and the process can be frightening. How much grating can two people take before they call it quits and walk away looking different than they did before? How many times can a person fall in and out of love before they lose the ability to sacrifice all they have to another because there simply isn't anything left to offer? I suppose for those of us who have loved, failed, lost, and loved again, these questions lead the way to hesitation and fear in subsequent relationships. But I believe that the beautiful thing about true, pure love is that it heals.
Relationships and their outcomes are all tied very closely to one's own concept of what love is in the first place. And of course the way we treat our significant other or expect to be treated by them should be drawn from our own first-hand intimate romantic relationship with Jesus. "There it is! I knew she was gonna throw in God in here somewhere!" Hehe..well I have to! I really can't talk about love and leave Him out, can I? =) But honestly, as I learn slowly and thick-headedly (new adverb!) of how sacrificial Christ's love for me is, and how much He delights in me when I sacrifice my time, energy, and will to Him, it seems like the natural thing to me for two lovers to want to sacrifice out of love for the other. Too often we see shows like Desperate Housewives or movies like The Good Girl where sacrifice in marriages leads to bitterness and depression and mere cohabitation instead of a vibrant, growing relationship. Our culture is becoming more and more sympathetic towards unfaithful spouses, finding it excusable if the other party simply isn't as exciting as they used to be. This is what happens when one sacrifices out of an expectation of something in return. Not that a relationship is all about giving and not taking, but the word sacrifice itself implies selflessness. Otherwise, we'd just call it a purchase or maybe a trade.
A few days ago I watched the movie "He's Just Not That Into You", and although it isn't the BEST movie I've ever seen, I thought it portrayed some interesting scenarios in regards to romance. There was one couple who had met in college and married, but the husband was dissatisfied with his life and when he met a hot, young girl at the supermarket, the temptation was too hard to resist. He admitted to his wife (Jennifer Connelly <3!!!) that he had cheated, and her first reaction was not to kick him out or divorce him, but to try to work things out. She later told her friend that it was probably her fault he cheated because she "used to be fun", and then decided to try to save their marriage by "rekindling the fire" (lol..), but they still ended up splitting up in the end. I felt that this marriage was built on fun and excitement and when the fire cooled and real life issues crept in, their bond was not strong enough to hold up to the weight of responsibility.
In another substory in the movie, a couple had been together for seven years, but the boyfriend did not "believe" in marriage and although the girl wanted to get married, she didn't want to seem too demanding so she kept waiting, hoping he'd change his mind. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and broke up with him because she was tired of waiting. Ironically, she soon had to go to her sister's wedding, where her father had a heart attack. In the week following the wedding, she had to look after her father's health, clean the house, cook food for the relatives, comfort her sister, and deal with her own heartbreak. My favorite scene of the movie is when she walks into the kitchen with an arm full of dirty dishes, stressed out and exhausted, to see her boyfriend (well, sorta ex) with his back to her, washing dishes. He turns around and quickly says that he'll leave right after he finishes up the last load of laundry. Naturally, she tells him later that she wants to be with him, married or unmarried. This is her sacrifice for him. At the end of the movie, though, he eventually proposes to her. This is his sacrifice for her.
I know, I know. Corny and predictable, but I still find that the portrayal of this relationship is such an example of putting the one you love before oneself, not just enjoying their personality and what it does for you emotionally. I also think that it's about finding someone whom you would want to make happy for the rest of your life. I firmly believe that my God loves to see me happy. Not that He will make life a smooth ride for me because then I'd just be a spoiled child with no depth or wisdom. But I know He loves it when I'm happy, and I would love to make Him happy.
Well this is my attempt at love advice for those who read this thing. I must admit that it always takes me by surprise when I find out someone reads my blog. Well, first comes shock, then comes that quick mental run-through of my previous posts to make sure I didn't write anything too embarassing. I hope this all made sense, btw, since I'm writing this at three different times of the day. I get distracted very easily, so it's actually quite a miracle that I even finished this entry. Alright, enough rambling...
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