Joy
It's Monday morning and I spent the night dreaming about today. I slept fitfully, while my to-do list paraded itself before my mind's eye in sequences of events that were close to reality but exaggerated by my worries. I dreamed of school and pushing myself to stay alert to the professor's droning words, and of wanting to meet and interact with people not being able to move myself to. Work was a chaotic swirl of red tables, impatient people, gossiping coworkers, and frantic trips to and from the kitchen. Wrap each dream up in an overlaying feeling of anxiety and weariness and one gets a night of sleep that is more exhausting than the day that preceded it.
But I'm awake now, and though it takes a few minutes to shake the dreams from my head, I felt an immediate sense of peace as soon as the habitual words "Good morning, Lord" crossed my mind. When there is nothing in the day that I could really look forward to, and even when I dread facing the inevitable difficulties that lay in my path, the knowledge that nothing I face will I have to face alone is what stirs me to not just survive but to dream and laugh and love throughout life. And not just on the grand scheme of things. Those three words are often used together in corny inspirational fridge magnets or stickers, but how do I do all three in the small things? When the little details of my life add up to what my character will be, how can I expect the numerous unbecoming details to add up to something beautiful? Or I'll put it this way: how can I expect the details that all reflect my own selfishness and sinful nature to add up to the image of Christ? I think part of the reason I do believe that this can happen is because I speak about these things in very generalized and abstract ways. I often say that we should live in love and joy but in reality, my day to day life is lived for myself and my immediate comfort.
I want to become someone who is remembered for something quite apart of myself.
But I'm awake now, and though it takes a few minutes to shake the dreams from my head, I felt an immediate sense of peace as soon as the habitual words "Good morning, Lord" crossed my mind. When there is nothing in the day that I could really look forward to, and even when I dread facing the inevitable difficulties that lay in my path, the knowledge that nothing I face will I have to face alone is what stirs me to not just survive but to dream and laugh and love throughout life. And not just on the grand scheme of things. Those three words are often used together in corny inspirational fridge magnets or stickers, but how do I do all three in the small things? When the little details of my life add up to what my character will be, how can I expect the numerous unbecoming details to add up to something beautiful? Or I'll put it this way: how can I expect the details that all reflect my own selfishness and sinful nature to add up to the image of Christ? I think part of the reason I do believe that this can happen is because I speak about these things in very generalized and abstract ways. I often say that we should live in love and joy but in reality, my day to day life is lived for myself and my immediate comfort.
I want to become someone who is remembered for something quite apart of myself.
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