Once you go BLUE you can't undo

"Oh, my dear children! I feel as if I’m going through labor pains for you again, and they will continue until Christ is fully developed in your lives. I wish I were with you right now so I could change my tone. But at this distance I don’t know how else to help you." Galatians 4:19-20

It may seem odd that a grown man would describe his concern over the Galatian church as labor pains, but as I read this verse this morning, the words struck something in me because I realized that oftentimes I feel the same way as Paul. This realization came as a complete surprise to me, for I would never compare myself to the apostle who wrote most of the New Testament and spread the Gospel to the farthest reaches of the known world of his time. But let me explain why I connect with this verse so well, especially lately.

Most of you probably know that I've been a leader at church for most of my life. It's something that comes with its sacrifices and its joys, but even to this day I would never say that I regret it. But being a "leader" is such a multi-faceted role that it's hard to grasp what the job description is. If someone from CCHC wants to contact Blueprint YG, they'll know to come to one of us "leaders". After every service we remind the youth that your "leaders" would be more than willing to pray for you if you need it. We take on roles in church, we plan for services, dream up events, and we try to live our lives in such a way that those we lead will not get confused or disillusioned about what the life of a Christian looks like.

But what encouraged me so much today was the fact that Paul describes the forming of non-Christians into believers is a process comparable to giving birth. I'm not sure what formed this picture in my mind, but I always assumed that converting non-believers came easily to Paul. He would go into a city full of people who have never even heard of Jesus, and then leave with the city full of churches. But this didn't come easily to Paul; the blood, sweat and tears he must have poured into each soul as it entered the Kingdom is nearly unimaginable. Compared to Paul, I'm much more rooted in one place, and I've been able to watch kids come in from knowing almost nothing about Jesus to being in love with Him. But we both feel the same way about being a "leader".

It's like being a mother. I don't know if my youth know this at all about me, but sometimes I feel like I need to step away from church simply because my heart gets too heavy from my yearning for them to be fully developed in Christ and not have to struggle with the bondage of Satan anymore. As school gets busier and I have to disappear on Sunday afternoons to study for my next test every week, I know it could seem like my heart is becoming detached to the youth group or that I'm more consumed with another part of my life. But in the back of my mind, I always think about them and pray that they would continue to keep their hearts open to being changed by the love of God. I'm very very very much a flawed and depraved human being, and there is no way that I can love everyone perfectly, and to be honest, I've realized that that's actually one thing that isn't in the job description of being a leader. Perfect love is reserved for God alone. Follow me as I follow Christ but please don't place me on a pedestal (because then you'll inevitably see me fall off it).

I guess this morning, I simply realized that I haven't really written about my role in church very much, and that it would be good for me to write down this a huge part of my life. And if you're in my youth group, know that I want more than anything to see you all become sons and daughters of the King, and a dangerous threat to the Enemy. You all know that I'm so far from perfect, so thank you for still believing in me and backing me up. I pray for you guys everyday.